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Mystique

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Staircar has : 0 Hop Ons

[22 Feb 2008|12:25am]
[ mood | moody ]

The worst thing about lost opportunity is not that one wonders what it could have been but that one wonders what the unfathomable number of other opportunities that was lost by inaction.

And perhaps this is why people find the notion of a soul mate and Doris's 'Que Cera' so comforting. It helps one to stop pondering what one has missed out on by not attempting that line of best fit between two dots if one believes that eventually, one day, one will be able to draw the line to connect the two dotes that best fit.

Staircar has : 0 Hop Ons

[21 Jan 2008|12:16am]
"I don't know why I was upset about not being an adult. It was right around the corner. Becoming a child again is what is impossible. That's what you have legitimate reason to be upset over. Childhood is the most valuable thing that's taken away from you in life, if you think about it."

Heather O'neill - Lullabies for Little Criminals, p77

Staircar has : 3 Hop Ons

Where the Sidewalk Ends [15 Jan 2008|12:22pm]
"There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends. "

Shel Silverstein

No matter how far I stray, I always find myself back with Shel. And in particular, "Where the Sidewalk Ends" is one of my favourite collection of poems from my youth. The place where the sidewalk ends is the place where imagination begins; the source of the river Alp in "Kubla Khan"; the place where the distant synaesthesic memory of innocence reside. For me, "Where the Sidewalk Ends" was the beginning of poetry, literally and metaphorically.

Also, Silverstein is in real danger of falling into the same trap that William Wordsworth did.

Also in other news, Sang, how dare you blow in and out of Toronto without seeing John or I? :(

Staircar has : 0 Hop Ons

Happiness [05 Aug 2007|01:03pm]
Happiness is the full appreciation of the good in one's life.

While this statement seems simple enough, the implications are many. To appreciate what one has is to understand what one doesn't have and then to accept that one simply do not have everything. This includes everything from material wealth and character flaws. There are two levels of happiness. First is the happiness that comes from blissful ignorance. Not knowing what one does not have means one does not pine for the non-existant grass that grows on the other side. Second, is the more lasting happiness which comes from acceptance. Understanding that one is not perfect - that one is flawed because it is simply human to err is not something easily managed. But once done, one will be as ready to forgive others as they will themselves. And then, one will realize that it will all be...well, ok. Happiness isn't something you can catch or hold on to forever. Realizing the transience of this state and reveling in it and celebrating it for its finite duration is the beauty of life and the truth of existance.

Staircar has : 2 Hop Ons

Blake post, as promised! [20 Dec 2006|12:20am]
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Staircar has : 2 Hop Ons

Itemizing aka Procrastinating [11 Dec 2006|12:47am]
[ mood | tired ]

1) Took the Blake pictures today at Pratt. Will upload soon.

2) stupid exam. Pharmacology, Cardiology, Respirology, Biochemistry, random questions about how to use the UofT library site => all on one exam for all the beans. Well, half the beans. 50% of our first term course mark is right here.

This begs the question: Why am I, at 12:42am on December 11th, 2006, with impeding doom facing me come Friday, spending my time making this post? I don't know. Perhaps I feel I need a reward, a treat, for finishing my craptacular ethics "essay" (anything less than 8 pages dbl spaced does not constitute an essay in my books).

this is indeed a good question.

wkend music: DCfC, Rilo Kiley and The Decemberists. That's it. Alrite. I'm out. PEACE. OUT. [jim rome style.]

Staircar has : 11 Hop Ons

Short update. [08 Dec 2006|12:41am]
[ mood | tired ]

It's so cold. I can feel my eyeballs freezing. that's right. my eyeballs. freezing. Sang, I don't know HOW you managed to survive. Everytime I leave my apartment, I feel like I'm getting assulted by the icy cold wind. Actually, it's not a simile but an actuality. :( And it's only -4oC. I can't imagine being 4X colder.

You guys remember what I said about Ben Gibbard and how he's the poet of our age? It might appear that I spoke a tad too soon. Colin Meloy, the lead singer of "The Decemberists" is a Gibbard lookalike. But his stuff has that Romanticism to it that Gibbard's doesn't have. One particular album I'd say was probably heavily influenced by William Blake (specifically "The chimney sweeper" the experience version and "Tyger").

Speaking of will. His actual plates are on display at the Pratt Library. HIS REAL PLATES and other illustrations. There was this one rare one in colour. I was floored by it. John, you may start getting jealous :D

Staircar has : 1 Hop Ons

[11 Nov 2006|05:37pm]
Ah Rufus Wainwright. He is such a lovable homo. Tho, Steve and M, u guys have to explain this one to me. Why is it that SO many gay guys talk in that way? it's so stereotypical and I can't quite figure out why you guys do it. both you two don't, but seriously. I don't understand the high prevalence.

Chk out the video here He looks funny concentration on his singing here but he's got one AMAZING voice. I love this guy!

Staircar has : 2 Hop Ons

Death cab for Cutie [08 Nov 2006|01:42am]
[ mood | tired ]

...
Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here
...
And it is true what you said
That I live like a hermit in my own head
But when the sun shines again
I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown

Staircar has : 2 Hop Ons

Return (albeit brief) of the Survey Whore [27 Oct 2006|12:03am]








Staircar has : 1 Hop Ons

[14 Sep 2006|03:14pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Hey guys,

I know it's been eons since i last posted but trust me when i say UofT medical school keeps me VERY busy. I feel like i'm drowning in anatomy rite now, but that's another story.

Anyways, I think I'm still feeling lukewarm towards the city but school has definitely helped me forget about all that.

Anyways, just really have to thank everyone for their concern. Hopefully I will see everyone soon ;)

oh, and, I can't believe Remembrance Day is NOT a public holiday in TO... Another tick under the column of TO cons :(

Staircar has : 5 Hop Ons

My thoughts on TO [18 Aug 2006|07:50pm]
I gotta say, I don't really like the city so far...

There's always ppl who would try to take advantage of u and swindle ur money (even in the most petty of cases). ppl are very suspicious of others ... it's just not quite the laid back trusting place that Vancouver is. And you know, deep now, I am that girl. And I'd hate to see ppl trying to cheat me and be suspicious of me. In fact, I think I literally like to reject that idea and think maybe they just calculated wrong by accident or some other alternative explanation.

Frankly, I see a dead urban wasteland where the disparity between the rich and the poor is so vaste that the entire city groans under the weight of depression of the oppressed poor who are forcing themselves to be slave away at jobs they hate to come into a class which lives in constant suspicious fear of of them.

As a result, people come into this Victim mentality - being self-centered in their relentless pity that they lavish upon themselves, where even the most privileged can only see what they don't have, and how they are being unfairly treated by life.

There is no compassion for others, no attempt for understanding, and no sense of reality for these people who only worship money and the material God. In a society that can only see through tainted glasses greatly challenges my ability to keep my faith in mankind. I continue to strive to keep cheerful, polite, courteous and human but am finding it increasingly difficult. And so I completed my first 24hrs in this city and if it is possible to say this without sounding fake, I do honestly feel my heart bleeding for this city of prisoners.

Conversations at bedtime:
I'm sure there's a goodside to TO, just like there's a badside to Vancouver.

I dont' know John. ppl tried to swindle money from me for even the pettiest things. 4 X 1.09 is not $5. cab ride - the guy purposely overcharged us as he drove the taxi without a ticking meter. for what? $20. i know $20 is not simply pocket change. but is $20 really worth your dignity? it is really worth your humanity? today at the subway station, the old woman in front of me paid for her tickets then before she got them, her grandson runs off and she tells the attendent to wait as she goes and retrives her grandson from danger. and when she got back, the attendent yelled at her and made rude faces at her. at first i thought he was teasing her but i was shocked to see he was completely serious. i dont' know i will ever forget that. I feel like crying telling you this. why is this city so horrible? why is this city so dead? why do they strip bear their souls just to earn a bit from money?

Conversation overhead:
Wow, maybe the airport carts are free today!
HA. I doubt that. This is Toronto.

Children's Play:
Always stay close to your mom, dear, because you stray away and the wolf will come and eat you.

Staircar has : 0 Hop Ons

Nik [08 Aug 2006|12:08am]
sorry I haven't been in vancouver for the past week and so it seems like i missed out on quite alot that happened with Nik.

I'm sorry to hear about ur wrist. I'm sure u'll be fine after the surgery. I have faith in modern medicine ;)

As for ur job, that's pretty scary. I can't believe all the upper levels got sacked. But what does this mean for you? How does this affect you, ur job and career?

Staircar has : 3 Hop Ons

[30 Jul 2006|04:04pm]
[ mood | sad ]

While I hate Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "How do I love thee, let me count the ways", I found myself seeing the beauty in Death Cab for Cutie's "I'll follow you into the dark". The lyrics by themselves might not be much but listen to Ben Gibbard sing this song and tell me this isn't one of the most beautiful things you have ever heard. And if you are still skeptical, watch thevideo. It makes me just a tad teary watching it. I guess the difference between the two is I just don't get the sense that Barrett Browning's poem had much substance to it. She loves this person. A lot. That's about all. Gibbard goes further to describe exactly what it is he means. He never said he loves his love, in fact, he never used the word "love" in its verbal form. By never using that word, his message becomes all the more powerful. While one shows her love with repetition of the word love (giving the readers a sense of mindless obsession and superficial attachment), the other expresses exactly what it means to love. Both works deal with an eternal love that endures mortal existance and thereafter. However, there is a clear distinction between the two with respect to their approach to death. Barrett Browning's tone is assured and confident, with no hint that death is anything fearful or dark. Gibbard, who likely is an atheist, does not believe in death being a white and etheral. Death is dark, dank and forbodding. And perhaps it is because his notion of death is that much more fearful than Barrett Browning's, this makes his desire to follow his love "into the dark" all that much more powerful.

How do I love thee, let me count the ways

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

I'll follow you into the dark
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Staircar has : 0 Hop Ons

This is for John and Sang... [21 Jul 2006|03:46pm]
[ mood | full ]

As seen on metaquotes, kentox wrote thus about Eng Lit:

There's a chief difference in that nobody's arguing that English is the One True Tongue, that disaster and torture will befall all those who don't speak it, and people don't tend to kill each other in the name of the advancement of English. And English does not require you to make huge leaps of faith to use it; there is no "Shakespeare was perfect and died for your misspellings" element to it all.

(Admittedly, some people do view semisocialist capitalism as the One True Economy, and it has arguably incited wars, but I still would say that it's several notches below the more-ancient religious institutions in that regard.)

If people *did* do these sorts of silly things, and continued doing this for thousands of years, don't you agree that posterity might find it best to not talk in English, or perhaps to not talk at all?

More importantly, we're not advocating that you throw away the things at the heart of religion -- the awe at the beauty of the universe and your own smallness in comparison; or the morality; or the existence of social norms and standards of behavior. We just want you to strip away all of the excess fluff about it.

Suppose that almost all people who spoke English committed themselves to the belief that:

We believe in one Writer, Chaucer, the Poet Almighty, maker of English and the world, and all things spoken and unspoken.

We believe in one Lord, Alfred Tennyson, the only Son of Chaucer, eternally begotten of the Poet, Writer from Writer, Light from Light, true Poet from true Poet, begotten not authored, one in being with the Poet. Through him all verses were made.

For us and for our salvation he wrote his verses; by the power of the Shakespearean Spirit he was written by the nonwriting Dryden, and became man. For our sake he was criticized by Allen Ginsburg; he suffered, died, and was buried; on the third day he wrote prose again in the fulfillment of the Sonnets; he ascended into the language and is seated at the right hand of the Poet. He will come again in glory to judge the remembered and the forgotten, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Shakespearean Spirit, the Lord and Giver of Words, who proceeds from the Poet (and the Son); with the Poet and the Son he is worshipped and glorified; he has spoken through the Authors. We believe in one Shakespearean orthodox and lineal Language; we acknowledge one red-inking for the forgiveness of misspellings. We look for the rememberance of the forgotten works, and the words of the world to come. Amen.

If people had this sort of attitude, I think that others would likewise argue what we areligious folk argue -- Throw away the traditions surrounding that language, and appreciate the language in itself!

We do not say "never feel awe" -- in fact, we encourage feeling awe in general! We do not say "screw morality;" we just think that morality needs no religious foundation.

We just think that the extra fluff you place around the feeling of awe and beauty that the world gives you is, well, crap. There's no reason to base English about the Poet Almighty, and there's no reason to base self-reflection and deep questions about your presence in the world on a religious framework.

(I hope that conveys the point. But sorry if it's too preachy for you. Wait, why am I apologizing? This is convert_me! Oh hell, well, sorries anyways.)

Staircar has : 4 Hop Ons

I am so lame [18 Jul 2006|04:59pm]
Hi everyone. You know, it occurred to me today just how lame I really am. I'm sorry I am so lame. I'll try to be more cool. I think it's a genetic problem I have. I'm working on it.

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Wordplay [27 May 2006|12:26am]
As spoken by me COMPLETLEY INNOCENTLY today:

Context:
A takes the skytrain home and she takes the Expo line. Now, she sometimes gets off at Joyce station, which is only half way thru in her usual journey on the Expo line. Now, Shaun goes my way on the Millenium line. He does, however, get coaxed by A, to occassionally take the Expo line with her, which is actually a longer distance for him to travel. Today, he was telling us how yesterday, he rode the Expo line with A and it was only AFTER he got on did she let on that she was getting off at Joyce station. To this, I said,
"Oh that A. She leads you on and makes you go all the way." About 1/3 of the way thru that sentence, I realized the innunendoes that it was dripped in. However, I was hoping that no one would realize it. Unfortunately for me, I was speaking to Nessy Pooh and Shaun.

yet another:
Nessy Pooh was telling me this story about "e-coffee" the other day - or rather "ECO-FEE". Well. CHEERIOS! "Caw-fee" shall never be the same again. >_<

ok. I need sleep. SERIOUSLY.

Staircar has : 3 Hop Ons

[28 Apr 2006|11:50am]
In case there were any confusion, this blog continues to be my "juicer" blog as my msn space is updated regularly but with more "intellectual" stuff.

So updates. I'm working on my thesis. I feel there should be some sort of metaphor to conception and birthing (esp with the post about foreplay and wordplay in mind) with respect to the creation of a thesis but I'll spare you all.

The thing I noticed about work is that unless there is a deadline, one is usually quite slack in one's attitude towards work. I know I am. I should probably get my butt into gear but eh. That's why I gave myself that insane deadline. Oh well. There is nothing like knowing that ur gonna fail before you even start. Totally boosts that morale!

I'm going to a "Midsummer Night's Dream" reading with John today where we all get to partake in the reading. This shall be fun. I remember how I used to have the Wall's speech memorized in Ms. Stewart's class. Now, I think I only have the last line in my head. :P

Sun Run over the weekend was awesome. Steven, John, Amitis and I were "running" together and it was super awesome. We had slurpees along the way. :D After, we had coffee at "The Urban Fair" in Yaletown, the place where rich young debutantes live (too bad they didn't spell it "faire". OHOH. THEY SHOULD CALL IT "the urban Lazy-Faire". OMGOMGOMGOMG. I am so brilliant.) We then had ice cream down at English Bay. All in all, it was a terrific Sunday. Of course, after that I had to go help Sabine move and do my experiment so I didn't leave for home until 10:45pm (I got up that Sunday at 7:30am...) Full day but fun day.

So what am I doing right now, well, keeping a low profile and plugging away at my thesis. That's about all. Oh and ultimate and table tennis. tho i haven't gone to table tennis for 2 weeks so no stories about that guy ;)

Oh. I'm in a hockey pool in which I had no hand in picking. blah. Apparently Shaun and Mikey picked all senators players but chose a different team to win. They call it "diversifying the portfolio". :P If I had my way, I woudn't have done that. I am totally gunning for the Sens to win. At least they had the sense not to pick Edmonton or NJ players. :P Stupid trap. the Oils are trapping my poor Wings. They MUST be set free to fly! Ok, I'll stop all these really poor puns.

I haven't seen my poet for some time. Not that he's been hiding. I just haven't had time to go for coffee at 10ish in the morning. Too bad. I haven't talked to him about "Titus" yet. That movie was quite good. It reminds me of the Bard on the Beach production of "Cymbeline" from a few years ago - they both have that new agey feel to it as the director really put thought and interpretation and imagination into the respective plays.

Read some EM Forestor lately. Not at all impressed with "A Room with a View" or "Howard's End". tho "Howard's End" was much better than the former. I personally feel he's trying too hard to imitate Jane Austen but falling way flat. There were some witty gender banter in "ARwaV" but definitely subpar to, say, "Pride and Prejudice". And I'm not even a big Austen fan.

ok, enough banter from me now. shall be off to watch a train wreck. more on that later >_

Staircar has : 4 Hop Ons

[16 Apr 2006|08:32pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

You are officially a loser when you GO OUT OF YOUR WAY to frequent the local Starbuckses JUST so that you *might* run into him studying there.

Staircar has : 0 Hop Ons

When wordplay becomes foreplay... [14 Apr 2006|03:30pm]
From Esthero's "Fastlane"

"You can tie my hands behind my back
and lick your initials in my neck.....foreplay does nothing for me, but commitment makes me wet.
I already know you're having an affair with words....but boo...i'm married to it....my vocabulary leaves most men wary...I need to know....can you get into it?"

...

"would you let me lick you with alliteration and tie you up with similies?
give you pain and pleasure with solliquies until you beg me for release....
I think we can have the ebonic plague solution...lace me with your lexiconic seed and in 9 months we can start to raise the revolution"

I particularly like the "ebonic plague" and "lexiconic seed". lol.

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